Funny CV Blunders To Avoid!

CV Writing Blunders

A light hearted look at some CV blunders that have been found on peoples CVs. Some you couldn’t have even made up!

1.  ACHIEVEMENTS  – “I came first in the school long distance race”

2.  HOBBIES – “Horse rideing,like going pub when havent got my kids.looking after kids and doing stuff with them when they anit at school.”

3.  EMAIL ADDRESS – Lazysod@……

4.  ACHIEVEMENTS – “Being sober”

5.  ABOUT ME – “My favourite colour is Toupe, cos it rhymes with Dope”

6.  REASON FOR LEAVING – “It was hard work”

7.  PERSONAL PROFILE – “I be no stranger to double-entry. I loves numbers, and my wife and I loves journals and ledgers! Can also do tricky sums when I puts my mind to it. Computor litrate.”

8.  COVERING LETTER – “This is my CV I am intrested in any job opening use have avaiable if u could please send a vercation that you reciceved the email”

9.  PERSONAL PROFILE – “I do have convictions (drug offences) which are spent some 30 years ago for when I was 16-18 and have a caution for 4 years ago for criminal damage”

10.  HOBBIES – “Marital Arts” (Possibly meant martial arts?)

11.  KEY SKILLS – “Perfectionist with a keen I for details.”

12.  HOBBIES – “Space Travel”

13.  EMAIL ADDRESS – Batfacedgirl@………..

14.  EMPLOYMENT HISTORY –  “Whilst working in this role, I had intercourse with a variety of people”

15.  HOBBIES – “i like playing sport, which i fined gives me a winning appitite for life’”


16.  KEY SKILLS: “I would like to assure you that I am a hardly working person.”

17.  HOBBIES –  “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”

18.  JOB HISTORY – “Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”

19.  SKILLS – “Fantastic ability in multi-tasting.”

20.  SIZE OF EMPLOYER: “Very tall, probably over 6’5″.”

21.  SKILLS – “Speak English and Spinach.”

22.  STRENGTHS – “Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.”

23.  SKILLS – “I have technical skills that will simply take your breath away.”

24.  MARITAL STATUS:– “Celibate”

25.  SKILLS – From an IT Engineer, “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

26.  EMAIL ADDRESS – hotsexyluv@…….

27.  KEYS SKILLS – keeping family home clean, tidy and hygienaic undertaking basic DIY.operating domestic taskslike cleaning,washing,cooking.dealing with emerengencies smoothly.dealing with health issues,superivsing,supporting,guiding and organising children.

28.  CV GAP – Candidate explained his gap in employment by saying it was because he was getting over the death of his cat for 3 months!

29.  KEY SKILLS – “But wait…there’s more. You get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature.”

30.  PRINTED CV – Candidate sent over their CV printed on the back of their current employers headed company paper

31.  SKILLS – “I can type without looking at thekeyboard.”

32.  JOB HISTORY – “Left last four jobs only because the managers were completely unreasonable”

33.  SKILLS – “I am a rabid typist”

34.  HOBBIES – “My interests include cooking dogs and interesting people”

35.  COVERING LETTER – “I am extremely loyal to my current employer….Feel free to ring my office if you are interested in my CV”

36.  KEY ACHIEVEMENTS – “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

37.  EDUCATION – “I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.”

38.  HOBBIES: “donating blood – 12 litres so far.”

39.  KEY SKILLS: “Quick lerner, good at mats amd speling”

40.  KEY ACHIEVEMENTS – “Oversight of entire department.”

41.  EDUCATION –  “University: August 1890 to May 1993”

42.  WORK EXPERIENCE –“ I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer”

43.  EMAIL ADDRESS – homeboy@……

44.  KEY SKILLS – “I have extensive experience with foreign accents.”

45.  QUALIFICATIONS – “Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

46.  COVER LETTER – “Please disregard the attached CV; it’s totally outdated”

47.  REASON FOR LEAVING – “After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work.”

48.  KEY SKILLS – “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

49.  WORK EXPERIENCE – “Night stalker in Tesco”

50.  HOBBIES – “painting my toenails in varying colours”

source responsewebrecruit http://responsewebrecruitment.co.uk/blog/100-funniest-things-weve-read-in-a-cv/

Target Your CV Writing

Targeted CV Writing

How to target your CV writing for any job advert

Having been a recruiter for 16 years I can tell you from first hand experience that recruiters, who wade through hundreds of applications, do not read every word on your CV. Instead they only scan read applications for only 30 seconds if you are lucky.

Therefore you have to ask yourself one simple question when applying for a specific role. What are the recruiters looking for? The answer is always found in the job specification or job advert.

Your CV should should scream out, “I’m the perfect person for this role” and this is how you should go about achieving that
Keywords

Every job specification or advert will be split into two sections. First will be the outline of the role they are looking to fill, which is normally a brief paragraph but contains hidden keywords which need to be highlighted. For example the opening paragraphs may be:

Business Development Manager
 The Role

We are looking for someone to join our existing business development team. The primary objective will be to generate new business opportunities with prospective clients, although there will also be a smaller amount of ongoing relationship management after we start working with a client. This relationship management can provide an opportunity to introduce our other services where appropriate but the overall objective is to ensure that the client remains happy with the service that Periscopix continues to provide.

Most of our opportunities are generated through existing relationships, word of mouth and via our marketing activities. We make a small number of highly targeted unsolicited approaches, hence the role may include a certain amount of ‘cold calling’, but the majority of your time will be working on qualified leads and opportunities.

Our key objective is to build long term relationships with our clients. We take a highly ethical approach to sales, are respectful of our competitors and never promise more than we can deliver.

In these paragraphs the Recruiting Manager has highlighted the key job specific skills that the role requires the appointed individual to have. i.e.

  1. Generate New Business
  2. Ongoing relationship management
  3. Element of cold calling
  4. Working on qualified leads
  5. Building long term relationships

Having identified these skills in the job description of the advert, you need to turn you attention to the next section of the job advert which is the person specification. Here we return to our example job advertisement.

The Individual

Previous experience in our sector is not needed but some experience in a commercial environment, ideally in a sales or business development role is desirable. We do not have a 'hard selling' culture but instead look to to establish sustainable long-term relationships with clients to the mutual benefit of both organisations. We're happy to fill in any industry knowledge gaps but you will need the aptitude to learn about paid search, web analytics and programmatic advertising in order to understand how digital marketing can best be utilised in different scenarios and to assess the effectiveness of existing campaigns.

There will be a steep learning curve but we will provide the necessary training and you will gain experience within each of these departments to gain a full understanding of our proposition.

You will also need enthusiasm and drive and be able to organise and prioritise you own work effectively. You must be personable, confident, persuasive and articulate with the ability to work independently. You should expect to deal with a wide range of clients ranging from very small to very large and with contact points of varying levels of seniority and understanding of our sector.

You must have excellent written English and be able to produce clear and structured written proposals, ranging from short documents or emails to extensive RFP responses.

An undergraduate degree at 2:1 or above is preferred although we will consider other candidates in exceptional circumstances.

In every person specification you will find 2 types of skills highlighted. Primary skills (sometimes referred to as job specific skills) which are essential to the role and Secondary kills (sometimes referred to as Transferable Skills) which are common skills to everyday life and are ideal not essential for the role. Our person specification above highlights the following primary and secondary skills

Primary Skills
Sales or Business Development Skills
Ongoing relationship management
Building long term relationships
Working qualified leads
Undergraduate degree 2:1 or above
Aptitude to learn
Excellent written English
Produce written proposals
Excellent communicator
Ability to work independently

Secondary Skills
Knowledge of paid search, web analytics and programmic advertising
Enthusiasm
Ability to prioritise own work
Experience of working with Clients of varying sizes and at all levels of seniority

Now that you have analysed the job advert you know exactly what the recruiter is looking for and therefore you can begin the CV writing process accordingly.

To increase the chances of your professional CV making the selection for interview, the primary skills highlighted in the job specification should be at the forefront of your CV writing, ideally in the top half of the CV where they can be easily spotted.

If using bullet points for a key skills section, ensure those that are more relevant for the job role are at the top. The secondary skills should be located in the appropriate sections of your CV but should never take precedence over the primary skills.
Quantify and support your skills

The most common mistake when tailoring a professional CV to a particular job advert is to add the skills but not providing supporting evidence. By adding context to a skill you are highlighting it even further and making it harder for the recruiter to ignore your CV.

Let me give you an example. You may have Business Development experience within the paid search sector and placing it on your CV at the top of your professional profile or key skills section would force the recruiter to notice this. However if you supported this skill with a quantified number, your CV would be placed at the top of the pile rather than the bottom.

Let’s suppose you were a recruiting manager and received CVs from 2 individuals with very similar experience and skill sets but the opening paragraphs were different. Which of the 2 following individuals would you invite for interview?

Candidate 1
An experienced Business Development Manager with experience working within the paid search sector

Candidate 2
A highly successful Business Development Manager with 5 years experience working within the paid search sector producing sales in excess of £1.5 million.

I know which candidate would be selected for interview if I had received these CVs

It’s a fact that numbers are more easily distinguished on a page and draw the recruiter’s eye to that sentence. Therefore not only does it support a skill but it also promotes that particular skill effectively to the recruiter.

Targeted Covering Letter

Having taken the time to analyse the job description and create a focussed CV that has impact, don’t make the mistake and send it to the recruiter with a generic covering letter. It is widely accepted throughout the industry that a generic covering letter reduces the chances of your CV being read by the recruiter significantly.

It is important to spend as much time creating a focussed covering letter than it is creating the CV in the first instance.

Putting this targeted approach into action will significantly increase your chances of securing that vital interview. However, if you are still struggling to secure an interview then one of our experienced CV writers would be happy to review your CV and provide you with some expert advice. Our services can be found on the website www.wewritecvs.com , any of the social media links below or by calling us on 0203 488 2214